Ranting about the dingdongs.

I wonder sometimes, how people function. I watch them go by doing their own thing. I hear them talking to their friends, or coworkers. I watch their interaction with their children and family. All of my observations tell me one thing... I don't understand people. No matter how many times or ways I interact with them they never stop baffling me. I find myself caught completely off guard when I try to guess where they are going or what they are up to. Is it just me? Am I the only one who is confused, or do we all feel the same way when observing life? I know the mob mentality and all that, but why does it seem like the older I get the more whacked out society gets? I am used to my own fluctuations and I think most people experience some level of the same. The thing that looses me is how the collective does not react in the same way as an individual. Are they so afraid of being different? I guess what bothers me is that this seems to be a growing trend. The more people realize their anonymity the more they sink into prejudiced behavior that they would never act on in small groups or on on one. Is our society going to continue to go down this road? I am hopeful that it won't but I guess all I know to do is be myself and hopefully incite a revolution.

Good feelings.

Can I have your attention for a moment? I just have to say how happy it makes me to see photos of my nephew. I have had these experiences before when my godson was born but I guess being absorbed in my own life has caused me to forget how wonderful it is. The prospect of new life and all the wonderful possibilities the future holds give me warm fuzzies deep in my heart. I am sure anyone can relate who has similar experience but it never hurts to shout it out loud and remind ourselves. The hope and love, the desire to be a helping hand, to give of yourself just for the wonderful feeling it leaves.

Pain in the neck.... literally!

So, as anyone who would be reading this probably knows I have had some issues with my neck for some years now. After an accident in 2000 I had an emergency surgery to plate and fuse the 4th 5th and 6th vertebrae in my neck. Since that time I have had physical therapy to deal with it and taken medicine of all sorts and tried to keep up a somewhat physical lifestyle to stay in shape. Well, all of those efforts were not enough to stave off the inevitable damage to the discs in my neck just above and below my fusion. I finally was in enough pain to see a specialist about it and he sent me on this past Thursday to see a neurologist. They decided to do a little procedure called an inter vertebrae epidural steroid injection. It feels about as nice as you would think. But now a couple of days later and I am feeling much better. I actually got out and did some yard work today and, until I started to get a little sore, I got a lot done. Suzy is graciously finishing up without me. I look forward to hopefully continuing to feel better and returning to my normal life soon.

Back to the ol' drawing board.

So, I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that I would eventually have to face more surgery to keep my neck in good shape. I have had some discomfort for several years, but in the last year it has gotten worse little by little. I finally reached the point of constant irritation and decided to look into my options. I have been putting it off long enough (maybe too long) and now I fear I may have no choice but to go under the knife again. I have seen a few doctors over the last several years and have not seen any relief, not to mention I have become extremely frustrated with our system of health care in the US. I guess I don't have anything to compare it with, but in my research to find alternatives to invasive surgery all of the most advanced and least invasive procedures to treat bone degeneration are being done overseas. I was somewhat surprised at first but then I started to look into how and why this could be. America, one of the worlds richest and most advanced cultures, is not the best place for medical care?? I guess the insurance industry and the major medical facilities lack of care for their patients is at the base of it all, and the lobbyist influence in our law making is probably having an affect too. I mean why would you want to approve a proven effective inexpensive non invasive procedure when you can keep doing the very invasive and extremely expensive surgical operation and pocket the extra cash? Sure money is nice, but what is it costing us as a nation in the long run? I know I can be a bit cynical but I can not see the reasoning and I have first hand experience of being dragged through our medical systems (several times). It is funny how quickly things go. I remember years ago going in to a hospital for care that my insurance would only pay for for a limited time, and miraculously I was discharged just when my insurance ran out. Amazing!!! I just happened to suddenly be healed and my doctor suddenly decided I should be discharged just as my insurance benefits ended. The funny thing is that in the same hospital in the year before my stay the average length of care went from 6 months down to 3 weeks at the time of my hospitalization. After my discharge I continued to seek treatment and spent time in outpatient care, while there, I found out that the length of time the insurance companies would pay for continued to shrink and lo and behold the length of time until the doctor discharged patients shrank right along with it. All of this was fifteen years ago and my experience with medical care has continued to disappoint me. Now as a grown person I am in a more grave situation, the bones in my neck behind my surgical implant have been slowly deteriorating since my surgery in 1999, now the plating and bone implant are not supporting my head and the weight is putting a lot of pressure on my spinal cord and nerve stems. I am not sure what is going to happen, can they fix it? Will I have to go through all the rehab again? Will I lose more mobility? Will I be able to ride my bike? Will I be able to play with my kids? Will I still have pain? Will I have more loss of feeling in my skin, hands, arms? I am going to a cervical spine specialist (3rd in 3 years) on Thursday and I hope hope hope he can help me and hopefully start to change my perspective. We will have to see.....

long walk

Took this picture in 05 while visiting my bro and his fam in MO.
I don't know why but shadows fascinate me.


long walk
Originally uploaded by Chris_Santoro

Time is on my side.....

Or is it?? I had an interesting week attending and working at a trade show in Miami last week. It was strange being there in a working capacity. I was surprised how much the city has changed but was still very familiar. All the buildings were the same and the people too, for the most part, but the names and colors had changed a bit. It all felt a little cheapened and in more of a rush then before. Maybe it was just me..? I really enjoyed my first outside of the office work experience but it seemed a bit more calm then I expected. The best part of the whole week was getting to know my co-workers and clients a lot better. It is funny how you sometimes put people on a pedestal before you meet them, then you get to know them and the whole experience changes your prospective, some for the better, some not so much. I had a great time at the actual tradeshow making bonds and getting people to be more interested, but I think the real progress was made after the fact. The power of relationships is the ultimate force in business, negative and positive alike. Either way it was a great experience and I look forward to the next one.

I am somewhat dissapointed in some of my friends.

Funny how things don't always go as you expect, but you still have a great time. We had a party this past week for the 4th of July. I had a great time and I think all our friends did too, but the funny thing is, all the worrying and planning and trying to make sure everyone is taken care of and everyone knows where and when and how and what to bring etc... can really tire you out. I made an extra effort to plan ahead, way ahead, we started telling people in late March and still in the week before had no real idea how many folks would be there. I guess the thing that is bugging me is that nobody (of my good friends) who didn't show up even called or responded to my email invites. It just bothers me that my/our friends don't consider it important to call or RSVP. What is even more irritating is all the people who were all fired up about it and said they were really looking forward to it, then didn't show up or even call to say they had decided to do something else for the 4th. I went out of my way spending money on special food and drinks for friends with special diets and toys and games for their kids, and then to not have a call or anything..... It just pisses me off. I guess the only thing I can really do is make sure I don't do the same thing to people who invite me out, and maybe take a little more conservative effort in the planning and buying side of throwing a party.
On the other side of things we had a really great time playing games and cooking and talking and shooting off the fireworks, maybe I should focus on the good of it all. I suppose that is my dad's part of me, having a tendency towards focusing on the bad or potential bad outcome of a situation. I always hated that about him and I didn't know how destructive it could be until after he died. I have actively and somewhat successfully quelled that part of my personality but I guess some part of it is still there. It was a lot of fun and I was not too wiped out after all was said and done. I will remember that most of all.

Settle in and hold on!

So, life goes on. The last few years have been the most active I can remember. Brian and Kelly had a son (my first experience with that new feeling), I met Suzy, changed jobs, we fell in love, changed jobs again, moved in together (at her parents house for a while), traveled around some, stayed in the same job but changed companies, got engaged (another first), lost my dog (best friend) to lymphatic cancer, found out my brother had TC, traded my PC for a BMW, got married, bought a nice house, adopted a dog, found out Suzy's aunt had CC, got a promotion, adopted another dog, got another promotion, adopted another dog, found out Suzy had EN, found out BP's mom had CC too, found out Suz was getting a hard time from some guys at her work, got fired, sold my BMW, spent a lot of time hunting for jobs, spent a lot of time figuring out ways to pinch pennies, Suzy got fired, had a very lean Christmas, spent a lot more time job hunting, finally found a good job, traded in my truck for a new Nissan Versa, bought a new FZ1, Suzy got a new job, Frank and Sarah adopted my new nephew Zane, found out my brother in law Chris was going to be a father (with the help of his girl Ashley). Now about four years have gone by some things have settled down and love and life are going on. It is funny how you can get so used to life bouncing you around like riding in the last car on the Scream Machine, that you feel strange when there is no craziness. Well I think it is about that time, hopefully I am not jinxing it by writing this but what the hell. It has been a long time since I felt this way but I think we are finally starting to settle in.

Ok. I am ready now.

So, being a pretty outgoing and not very private person I felt like freeing some of the long and short standing burning issues in my mind. The articles I intend to post in this blog are my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't really care all that much what you think, but, if you feel like donating to my jumble of thoughts in hopes of influencing me, or just putting your two cents in thats cool with me. I may not agree with you... let me rephrase that... I am not likely to agree with you, but I am more then willing to listen to your valid opinion.
-Peace

Hi there.

Never posted a blog of my own before. I don't think I will start now.