Medication.....

I was reminded recently of an old saying, it is easier to sell aspirin then it is to sell vitamins, or some variance of that. I also had a co-worker once who, referring to his wife, always finds it easier to ask for forgiveness rather then permission. I guess they are not the same but they are in the same neighborhood. There is probably lot that can be said about both of these sayings, but I am interested in the perplexing relationship I have with my own medication. I take the pills the doctor prescribes to ease my pain, but now the dosage keeps me awake at night. Staying awake means moving around, moving around means more (or worse) pain to deal with. More pain means more pills, and so on and so on.... So, here I am. Sitting on the sofa, watching whatever I can find on t.v. and trying very hard not to smoke (which in itself is quite a challenge while on the pain meds). This sucks. I am happy to be on the "taking vitamins" side of things now, or am I?? I guess I could argue it either way. As to the other saying I can't understand that one from either side. I suppose that is because I have a relatively unique outlook and experience on that side of things. I am just tired of this current crap storm. I think I am going to go for a drive to keep from going nuts.

Not too much fun.

I had my "pre-op" visit today with the surgeon and the hospital billing folks to make sure they get paid even if I die on the table. They did some basic tests to make sure I am healthy enough to have the surgery. All of it was pretty run of the mill, they drew a few vials of blood and did an EKG, there was one that really sucked though, I am not sure what it is called but it involved them jabbing a needle deep into my wrist, they said it was to access the artery directly where I guess they can get some sort of specific test from the artery blood. Although I don't know what it is for I do know it fucking hurts, I mean it was a little uncomfortable at first while they were actually drawing the blood but then after the needle is pulled out it started throbbing, like someone was smashing their thumb into the under side of my wrist as hard as they can. I guess if this is the worst thing I have to endure then I should be happy but having had this type of surgery before I know that the recovery and the immediate post operation pain is going to suck. Anyway, this is all just conjecture I guess, I am just a little worried in anticipation of the surgery. I am happy nothing has happened yet to further postpone things and they even pushed my actual surgery up a few hours to 8:30am. So if all goes as planned I will be out of surgery/recovery and in my own room by 2pm or so, depending on how long the operation takes. I also spoke to the doc today about the possibility of them snapping a few pix with my camera during the surgery and they seemed to be cool with it, the PA even seemed to be a little excited about it. I am not sure if that is a good thing or if it is weird. My surgery is now scheduled for Nov. 6th at 8:30am at Northside Hospital Forsyth in Cumming GA.

Quite an eventful week.

We had a wonderful experience this week, my brother in law Chris Harrison and his wife Ashley welcomed a new baby on Friday. Taylor Elizabeth Harrison was born October 19th at 2:03 pm. She was 6 pounds 11 ounces and about 18 inches long. Suzy and I are very happy and as this is the first grandchild in the Harrison family there was a lot of excitement at their house. I have a fair amount of experience in this area, having two nephews and another niece in my own family. I will never get over how happy they all make me, the pure and unconditional love experienced always renews my inner feeling of hope. I am once again looking forward to a lifetime of teaching and learning and watching their new world unfold. I am reminded of how happy it makes me and I imagine how wonderful welcoming our own children will one day be. With the holidays right around the corner I am sure this fall will be a lot of fun for all of us. I can't wait. Hopefully I will get to spend time with my brother Frank and his family too, we have not had holidays together in a long time so I think that would be nice.

Am I ready?? Do I have a choice??

I have been thinking more and more lately about being a father. I know that no matter how much I think about it and how much I prepare, I will never truly be completely ready. I guess my recent experiences have made me think more about the next stage of life. I love being around kids, but, I worry that my body won't be able to keep up. Some of the best times of my life were spent being a counselor at C.F. camp, but now I am not sure I could do all the fun stuff I did then. The kids kept us going all the time and that is not to mention all the hard work preparing for the week of camp, fund raising and planning for the next event. I guess I am worried that my medical problems are going to prevent me from enjoying the creation of new memories with my own family. If I am to be a good father I must begin to repair my body now. The pending surgery is not much of a concern to me really, but it will definitely mark the beginning of a new commitment to repairing the rest of my body. I think making my thoughts public (sort of) will help. I have more of a reason to succeed if I make my intentions known. Not to say that I wouldn't try, but if I tell the world I want to be a better, more healthy and potentially stronger individual then maybe I can remember that I have made a promise to myself and I have to keep it. I don't think people would think less of me but I would think less of myself and I don't need that. I need to feel productive, I need to feel that I am more then a worker earning money to sustain my meager lifestyle. I am laboring to become a better man, physically, mentally, emotionally and in society. I am sure that weather or not I am prepared life will go on, I would rather feel happy and satisfied with myself then disappointed.

On to the next episode....

I have harbored a well deserved distrust for the Resurgeon's company, a large local group of orthopedics, neurosurgeons, physical therapists, and the like. After several bad experiences with their Lawrenceville GA location, including but not limited to loosing my M.R.I. film and trying to make me pay for their replacement. So, I was a little uneasy about them being my only "real" option as a replacement for my, soon to be out of business, c-spine specialist. I had my first visit with the P.A. that partners with Dr James that will hopefully pick up where the other doc left off. The appointment went pretty much as I thought it would, taking another x-ray and then reviewing it with me and me giving the P.A. an explanation of it and my M.R.I. films that any radiologist would be proud of. He seemed a little bothered at first that I was telling him what was wrong but after a little chatting and Q&A we were on the same page and I felt much more comfortable. A very nice lady then came in and gave us some options for times and dates for my follow up with the surgeon and the actual date (which is somewhat flexible) for my surgery. If all goes as planned by this time next month I will be the proud (ha ha ha) owner of yet another titanium surgical appliance. In this case they feel that the fusion from my previous surgery is in good enough shape that they will remove the old plate and screws from the 4th 5th and 6th and install the new one at the 6th and 7th vertebrae. I am confident that this will all end with me feeling a lot better and hopefully getting back to some of the activities I love and have had to cut back on lately. I have all my fingers crossed that this goes off without any more glitches.

Oh, on a related note the doc says I absolutely have to stop smoking. The smoking really undermines the bones ability to grow with proper density and they don't want to waste their time or mine, so having very good reason to, I am resolved to do as they ask. Suz and I have been talking about it for a while anyway and this gives us a great motivation to get a move on it. A new baby may also be in our future since quiting smoking was one of our biggest goals before we start down the road to family building. I'll keep updating often (with more good news hopefully).

Talk about crappy timing.

After all the b.s. going on with the doctor's office and waiting and waiting for an appointment to have my surgery, I finally get a call from the doc himself apologizing for all the trouble. Seems that the problem was not what I thought it was, rather it was something going on at another of the doctor's local offices where an administrator was doing something illegal and now the doc has ended up in trouble as a result. I was torn between being pissed off that my surgery would again be put off and feeling sorry for the doctor having to go through such an unpleasant experience. I guess things could be worse on both sides, I could have already had the surgery and now I would not have anyone to follow up with, and the doc could have been blamed for whatever is going on there and lost his medical license. Anyway I have an appointment on Friday morning at another spine specialist and they are aware of the situation at the other doc's (as they are in the same building), so hopefully they will expedite the process. We will see.

Taking their sweet time.... Assholes!

Well I have missed the John Pickering Foundation Playing for a Cure celebrity golf tournament for the first year in the last 5. I guess I can't really blame my doctors office for it but why not I should get to bitch about them after all the Mexican Two Stepping they have been dragging me through in the last few weeks. After all the initial steps we went through about alternative treatments and finally my accepting the doc's recommendation to go ahead with the surgery, and now they are dicking me around with the schedule for the official chopping up of my parts. The story the doc gave me was "think about it and if you decide to go with my recommendation and have the fusion, just call my office and they will schedule a date". I asked about how long is the wait between calling and getting in for the operation? "No more then a week" was the answer. Apparently that means one week from the day the person who does the doctor's surgery schedule decides that I am in enough pain to bother returning my calls. After Suz and I discussed the options and decided that the doctor probably has my best interest in mind I decided to call and schedule the surgery, that call was two weeks ago tomorrow (Tuesday). I was told that the scheduling person would call me back either that same day or by the next afternoon. Needless to say at this point, I did not get a return call. I decided to give her a few days, I guess just to give the benefit of the doubt, maybe the doc is extremely busy...?. Still no call. I called again (Friday) but she was out at lunch and would call me back when she returns. Waited for a while, (got sidetracked) no call back. I called the following Monday and again "I will leave a message for her to call you", and again, no return call. Then the next day (Tuesday) I called again this time early in the a.m. this time I asked to speak to the office manager. I explained the situation to her, and her response was "I am sorry about all of that Mr. Santoro, but she is on vacation all this week". Now, obviously I am a bit pissed off at that but I keep cool and say, ok lets just go ahead and schedule the surgery now. Her answer of course "oh no, only _______ can schedule a surgery" I asked, well can you please just give me the doctor's voice mail? But of course the doctors don't have voice mail, at least that is her story and she is sticking to it. So, she again tells me "I will leave a message for the scheduling nurse to call you first thing when she gets in on Tuesday". Ok, Tuesday is tomorrow, I think I am going to try and keep a positive vibe about it, well, at least until we see what happens tomorrow. ...... To be continued....

By the way...

I forgot to mention in the last post, I have talked to my doctor again and he advised me to go ahead and schedule the operation as soon as I feel like I am ready. Having double checked with my H.R. department at work, to ensure that our insurance was all set up and not going to suddenly change without notice again, I went ahead and called the doc's office to check on available surgery dates. As I expected they said that they will have to check and get back to me. That was on Tuesday, so my plan is to give them till Friday morning then I will call again and be more stern about it. I will post the date when I know more.
-peace

How my days have gone lately...

Not that anyone really wants to know, but this is basically what I have been up to in the past few weeks. I get up around 8:30am and let the dogs outside. Depending on my level of pain I either take my medicine now or I wait till it gets bothersome. I let the dogs in and sit in my traction harness for 10-15 minutes. When I finish with the traction device I then do some stretching exercises and get in a comfortable position with my head propped up on the sofa. With my computer in my lap I then start on my work for the day. If I have not already I will now take my medicine so as not to have to get up again. I will work on whatever needs my attention until lunch time then let the dogs out again and make myself something to eat. Lately my appetite has not been very good so some days I just eat something small so the medicine doesn't make me ill. I will usually get up and walk around outside a few times a day to keep my lower back from bothering me too. My days are pretty boring for the most part but working at home has made my life a lot easier since being in a lying down position with my head propped up minimizes my neck pain later in the day. I have mad a few attempts to work in the office Suzy set up for us in the small bedroom upstairs but being in an upright position all day seems to piss my neck off pretty consistently, so I avoid it unless I have something that requires the use of an extra monitor or if I have to scan or print anything. Well I guess that is about it, not too interesting but at least I got to show you how my days are being spent, for what it's worth.

Things don't always go the way you hope they will.

We all think about situations before they happen. We imagine encounters with new people. We imagine what someone will say in response to a question before we ask it. It is a common thread I have observed in every aspect of my life. Having an idea of what to expect gives us a false sense of calm, If we were always completely surprised around every corner we would have a different outlook on life in general.

I had a follow up visit with my doctor this past Thursday. I was not expecting the answer I was told. During my previous visit I was advised to see a neurologist for an epidural injection to help relieve my worsening neck and shoulder pain. I knew that there were varied results to this procedure, some people had reported immediate relief, for some the relief took days or even weeks for others there was no effect at all and the duration of the relief varied even more then that. So, I knew that I had a chance at feeling better and the price tag applied to it was worth the sacrifice. Although Suzy did have to talk me into it a little, I guess for some reason she doesn't want me to be in pain. I certainly didn't want to be in pain but I guess I had a hard time with the notion of my feeling better being important enough to allot so much of our income to. Which is another problem all together , but enough about that.
So I had the injections. Three days later no relief, well I shouldn't say "no" relief I had relief but is was obviously not the result of the epidural, rather it was from the medication the doc prescribed for more immediate results. The problem there is that as soon as the pill wears off I am back to feeling like crap.
So there we were, back in the doctors office to hear what he thought we should do next.
I didn't know what exactly to expect, I thought, or rather I hoped he would say the best step to take from here was a disk replacement surgery, but that was not his answer. He said that what to do next was up to me, but my hope for disk replacement was not among the options.
The doctor told me that I could return to the neurologist for another epidural in hopes of better results, or schedule another spinal fusion to be placed below the one I already have. These were obviously not what I wanted to hear. Can I expect a different result from another uncomfortable and expensive injection into my spinal fluid? How am I to expect another fusion to resolve the problem, if the fusion I already have is causing the degeneration I have now. He said that the fusion would almost immediately stop the pain and constant need for medication. He also said that I may require additional surgery in the future but for now there are no other "real" options. The disk replacement I had hoped for was just not an option for me, since I had already had a spinal fusion. I did some research online and found that even in other countries where the surgery is more common and widely performed, the replacement of a multi level fusion with a artificial disk is just not done. Seems that the manufacturers of the replacement disk appliances do not condone it for that purpose. I guess that I am going to have the surgery and just hope that the future will bring a new type of disk replacement surgery for multi level injuries.